“Aside from being one of the most idiotic moments in American political history, this marks a level of personal humiliation no previous president has ever been asked to endure.” —The Washington Post on Racism Is Alive and Well ‘11 (or: Obama Produces Birth Certificate)
“I watched the clitectomy scene in Antichrist with a squinted eye through the slit between my index and middle finger, the hey you and fuck you fingers. When she grabbed the scissors, my castration complex kicked in, and I paused the film which was streaming on Netflix, opened a new tab, and wikied the plot, scanning the arial 10pt. for “penis” preceded by the word “cut” or “off”; fortunately — and Freudians n’ Feminists, this is probably too easy — that wasn’t the case. Desire was evil, that nob that never grew into a penis, so she rid of that via the cinematic slow motion blood squirt of a fleshy pearl losing its focus in its assault towards the camera.” —HTMLGIANT
Got some peeps in my house convinced that I pooped in the dryer.
“If the temperature of the Sun is, as The Effects of Nuclear Weapons estimates it is, about 25 million degrees Fahrenheit, and if five times that amount is 125 million degrees Fahrenheit, and if the temperature at which a human body combusts is 1, 600 degrees Fahrenheit, and if such a blast of heat would reach their bodies, ten miles away from the site of detonation, in approximately four and a half millionths of one second, and if pain impulses in the human body are believe to travel 382 feet per second, and if all of this is shorter than the time it takes to climb by elevator or to climb by foot or to climb inside one’s own private mind above the city’s lights—looking down at them from the stratosphere for one final view—then it is more likely that in the event of a nuclear strike on the nearby National Stockpile, just a few miles away from anyone in Vegas, the minds of most Las Vegas residents would literally not know that they were being destroyed until sixteen hundredths of one second afterward.” —John D’Agata, About a Mountain (via watchoutchadbites)